Wishing I could do more
My husband can be a pretty tough guy. There are only a select few in this world that he ever opens up to or shows emotion in front of. I am honored to know that as his wife, I am one of those people. Today, as we sat in church, listening to the Word of God, he started crying. Nothing attention getting, just tears rolling down his cheeks. I put my arm around him, leaned in close, and asked if he was okay. After shaking his head “yes” he stated, “I just don’t know how to leave.” It took me a moment to realize he was talking about his current job. In that instant, flashing through my mind was what he must look like as he argues with himself about how the new job that he’s been recommended for is what he truly wants for himself to prove that he’s better at what he does than people give him credit for and how in leaving his current job he feels as if he were being disloyal and turning his back on the people who have been his work community for the past seven years.
I pray for him every day. I pray that God shows him which job he’s supposed to be at (take the new or stick with the old), and that his eyes and ears are open to see/hear that answer when it is given. I tell him that no matter which one he takes, I will be there at his side, supporting him 100%. I just wish there was more that I could do for him. I wish I could take this burden from him; keep him from beating himself up over it; let him know that everything will work out for the best, and as a family, we’ll be okay.
I know that as his wife, he takes my opinion much more to heart than he does other people’s. Knowing very little about his line of work though, I don’t feel as if I can tell him my opinion of taking one job over the other. He has had many colleagues outside his workplace tell him he should take the new job that’s being offered, and they’ve given him good reasons behind it. No matter what reasons they give though, he turns to me and always asks, “What do you think?” My answer of, “I think you should go where ever you’ll be happiest and think you can do the most good and make a difference” does not seem to be the answer he’s looking for.
I honestly think he’s already made his decision, he’s just second guessing himself. He’s afraid of disappointing people who have been with him through the ups and downs of his work life. He’s afraid of the talk that may spread around his current workplace if he were to leave. He’s afraid of getting fired from his current workplace if they find out he’s looking at another job, and how hard we’d have it if that happened before he’s officially offered this new one.
I wish there were some way I could ease his mind.