Category Archives: Pregnancy

It’s been a while

So I’ve been off the grid for a while now thanks to my first year teaching in a private school, going back to school to finish my education certificate, keeping up with my two year old, and with the expectation of my second baby (10 weeks to go). I’ve been so busy with those things I’ve had to put my photography business on hold, and have even found I have almost no time to snap a photo of the day. The one thing I have recently started making time for again is knitting and crocheting…to keep my sanity. If you think public school kids are stressful, try dealing with private school parents. I almost quit at the end of the first quarter because I had a lot of parents angry that their kids had earned a B in Art instead of an A. And they weren’t very civil about how they approached me on the matter. Most were aggressive and some even got nastily mean. I would honestly trade a year in a public school with 85 kids in one class than deal with those parents for a single day again. So I picked my needles back up after a long hiatus and made some pretty cute baby hats, and I’ve got the two sides of a pillow complete. I just have to stitch the pillow pieces together and stuff it. Five more days until Christmas break.
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A Lot Can Happen in Two Months

So much has been going on since my last post. The beginning of June was crazy, wrapping up the end of my first school year. During the last two weeks of school, I found out my position had been cut, so I applied and interviewed for a position at a Catholic school. Well, I got it! And my first day is this Wednesday. Ironically enough, after I accepted the position, I got offers from four other schools. Crazy how that works out.

Another big piece of news is on Father’s Day, I found out I’m pregnant again. My husband and I couldn’t be happier! This pregnancy has been very different though. I have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder so this pregnancy is high risk. That means twice as many doctor appointments and twice as many ultrasounds. On my last ultrasound, the doctor found a small hematoma, which they are monitoring. They are hoping it will be reabsorbed by my body. I find out next week if it has gone down any or gotten worse. It’s scary because just when we got my autoimmune disorder under control, this pops up and could cause a miscarriage too. I have full confidence in my doctors though. I’ve been very tired and nauseated most of these 10 weeks, but I don’t mind it because that’s how I know baby is still with us.

Other than the new job, and a new baby on the way, I have been working two jobs all summer, as well as going to art workshops, so unfortunately I have not been able to clean and organize my house the way I was planning to this summer, and I haven’t had a lot of time to spend with my son. Somehow, I have managed to find time to work on a few crochet projects. I made two toy hammocks for my son’s room and I’ve been working on an earth toned granny square pillow. I’ll have to take some photos later.

Speaking of photos, today I helped photograph a charity event with Locks for Love and ended up donating my hair in the process. Here are some before and after photos.

Before

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After

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Pretty big change, but I think it’s cute.

Baby Isla

At a recent guild meeting I won a one year pro subscription to Animoto. So here is a recent client’s slideshow. I can’t share it with her yet though because She hasn’t picked up her canvas yet (the very last image). When she does, I’ll be able to post this to my website and Facebook. I just don’t want to ruin the surprise for her. Since I’ve never really told any family, friends, or clients about this side blog, I don’t really have any worries that she might see it. I’m just so excited about it I can’t wait to share it with someone.

Isla.

One day at a time

Well, grief counseling has helped me take everything one day at a time. Thanksgiving was ok. I avoided my husband’s family as much as I could since they have a habit of saying the wrong things, like, “at least you’re still young. You can always try again,” and “what’s the big deal? It’s easy to get pregnant.”

My doctor has ordered lab tests for January. Since this is my second miscarriage, the insurance company will finally let her. I’m a little nervous about what they may find, but at least I’ll know how to counteract it to try and prevent future issues. In all honesty I hope they do find something the matter with me. If they don’t, I think my feelings of guilt (it was something I did or didn’t do that was the cause) would skyrocket.

Teaching has been going ok too. I love everything about the elementary school I work for. The administration at the middle school is a bit less organized and less supportive. My sixth graders are pretty good. Out of 60 (two classes), I only have four trouble makers. My seventh graders are another issue altogether. I have 45 of them all at once. They spend so much time talking that in a 90 minute class period, they only get about 15 minutes of working time because I have to stop every five minutes while giving directions to wait for them to quiet down. I’m in the middle of grading projects right now. My sixth graders are doing great. Most of my seventh graders are failing due to incomplete work.

Christmas was pleasant. We spent it with my family in Ohio this year. And for once, my sister and I managed not to kill each other, though we did have one major spat, it was much milder than our past arguments. My son had so much fun opening presents. His favorite toy was his set of cars. He’s big into cars and trucks right now. My husband enjoyed all his gifts and my favorite gift was the three birthstone pendants my husband got for me for each of our children. We will celebrate New Years with my parents before we head back to Florida. We’ll be stopping to visit my aunt in North Carolina on the way. I’m looking forward to that visit.

Roller coaster of emotions

The past three weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, finally coming to an end with today’s tragedy.

It started with me finally getting fed up with my work environment and my boss. I sent out resumes for teaching positions, and got two interviews, one with a county official and one with two assistant principals. Both went well and I was hopeful I would move on to the next step of meeting the principal.

A week went by and still no word. I was beginning to lose hope once again. Then something else caught my attention that morning. I was almost two weeks late. My mind began racing. I was pregnant! That would explain the recent mood swings and utter exhaustion.

I had a heart to heart with God right then and there. “God, I thank you for the gift of this baby. I know in our current situation, we can’t afford to care for it. But I also know that you would not give it to us without providing us with the financial means to care for it. So I trust you completely. I trust that you will give me a higher paying job to put our minds at ease.”

That same afternoon, I received a call from the school I had interviewed at. The principal wanted to meet me! I was so excited! Later that night, my husband shared in my excitement when I told him about the interview and the positive pregnancy test I had taken. We were both on cloud nine. Nothing could bring us down!

The weekend was great and on Monday morning I told my boss about my upcoming interview. She took it better than I thought. Tuesday rolled around and I met with the principal. She had me meet the other art teachers and sit in on some of the classes. Afterwards, she offered me the job on the spot! I was higher than heaven! A new baby (due in the summer), my dream job, happy family, and stable home…I had it all! It was perfect.

Unfortunately, this story doesn’t have a happy ending. Later that night, as I was packing for a business trip, I began to feel cramps. When I woke up this morning, I had heavy bleeding. My world was turning upside down. The only thought running through my head was, “Not again. Please, God, no, not again.” My trip was canceled and I went straight to the doctor. An ultrasound confirmed that the baby’s heart had stopped and the miscarriage process had started.

I am…heartbroken. I do not know how to make it through this again and will be seeing a grief counselor in the near future. Two babies gone. Two babies God has taken from me before I even get to hold them. Two babies I will never see grow up, hear them call my name, say “I love you,” feel their hugs, count their tiny toes.

Why? Why my babies? Why me? Why do people who don’t deserve children, or worse, terminate them because they don’t want them, have them so easily and I can’t?

People have that one question they want to ask God when they finally meet him face to face. My question will be “Why did you take my babies from me?” I know this emotional ride is far from over. I know there will be a day it eventually slows down. I have to trust, and right now that is so hard to do. My human nature does not want to trust. My human nature wants to turn my back on God. But my divine soul knows that is not the answer to my grief. My divine soul knows that now is the time I need to sprint into God’s outstretched arms and grieve in the safety of his loving embrace.

Please pray for me, my husband, and our families. We are in great need.

All things new

Well, I’ve been MIA for over a month, and with good reason. I blame this little guy.

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Parenthood is certainly an adjustment and I can’t believe how quickly my maternity leave is passing by. I only have two more weeks of 24/7 contact with my little angel. But enough of that for now. If I dwell on it too much I’ll start crying.
My baby boy has really made life interesting so far. Everything from peeing all over in mid diaper change to sleepless nights, to inching his way closer and closer to me in bed, to his very first smiles.

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There have been moments when I’ve just stopped everything so I could sit and cry, either for lack of sleep or just from being overwhelmed or feeling all alone. There have also been moments when I’ve wanted to be nowhere else than holding my baby. The tough times are well worth it when the good times come around. And as he grows I know there will be other challenges.
We’re facing one of those challenges now with nursing. We have a yeast infection we keep passing back and forth to one another when he nurses. So we’re both on medicine for the next two weeks, and a very painful two weeks it will be for me until this infection is gone. But look at this face.

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He is so worth it!
I am trying very hard not to turn this into a baby blog, which is part of the reason for no posts. He is a huge part of my life though, so if you’ll let me indulge every now and then, I promise the photos will be cute. Hey, look, another one. 🙂

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My husband is also experiencing the newness of fatherhood. He misses us when he’s at work and can’t wait to get home so he can hold his little man.

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He is counting his blessings because shortly after Louis was born we were back at the hospital, not for the baby, but for my husband.

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Late one night he woke up in severe pain. Upon taking him to the ER, we learned that he had appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery. Three days later, he got to come home, and now he holds the baby every chance he gets. I never thought I could love two men at once. 🙂

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Whatever life brings our way, I’m happy that I have my husband and son to share it with.

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He’s Here

Sorry I’ve been absent for a while. I’ve had a really good reason. My son Louis was born on 9-12-12 at 2:57 PM. He came into this world weighing 6 pounds, 14 ounces, and measuring 20 inches long. He is perfect in every way and looks just like his daddy.

My contractions started on Tuesday morning around 4:30 AM and progressively got stronger and more frequent throughout the day. I spent that whole day at work, not wanting to waist a sick day if it turned out to be false labor. Around 9:00 that same night, my contractions were less than ten minutes apart and lasted for more than a minute each. We headed to the hospital, only to be sent home two hours later.

At 2:00 AM (Tuesday night/Wednesday morning) I woke with really sharp pains in my lower abdomen and spent about 20 minutes doubled over on the bathroom floor before I was able to wake my husband. We headed to the hospital once more and spent three hours in triage while the L&D nurse talked my doctor into admitting me. The contractions were extremely painful and I kept thinking, “if it feels like this now, how much worse will it feel later?”

After being settled into our LDR room (labor, delivery, & recovery) I let my husband talk me into having an epidural. Quite honestly, I’m glad I did because the pain was so frequent and so strong there was no way I’d have gotten any sleep. Around 2:15 in the afternoon I noticed I was feeling contractions through the relief of the epidural. When nausea accompanied the contractions, I paged the nurse. She did her exam and in surprise said, “Wow, you’re at 10 cm, 100%, and your baby is right there. You’re not going to be pushing long at all.” In essence, my baby was arriving very soon.

The doctor and delivery staff were called in and I began to push with the next contraction. I pushed for a grand total of 20 minutes before the baby was born in one final push (completely unheard of for a first baby/mom). He popped out like a cannon ball, catching even the doctor off guard as he landed in her arms. Normally, a second push is required to free the baby from the shoulders down. Not with my little man, he came completely out in one big push.

He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life. He looks just like his daddy too. They kept us in the hospital for 3 days because they had to keep an eye on my stitches (my skin tore during the final push). My husband’s parents came to visit every day we were there and tried to follow us home when we were discharged. Thankfully, my husband put his foot down and made them go to their own home.

Louis is so adorable and I love him to pieces. I’m so excited to be his mommy and watch him grow throughout life.

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The waiting game

Well, it looks like another day of playing the waiting game with this baby. After nesting too much Friday and Saturday, I tried to take it easy on Sunday like I was told to. It was very difficult. All I wanted to do was rearrange the entire house.

My husband and I were hoping the baby would arrive on Saturday, in remembrance of the baby we lost last year. Baby boy seems to have other plans though.

So on my relaxing Sunday I made this cute little hat for the baby and started another one I’ll get finished tonight. It is a crochet pattern I got off Ravelry and although I can’t remember the user who posted it, the pattern is called Fuzzy Bear Hat. I can’t wait to take baby’s first photos in it.

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Any Day Now

I’ve come to the realization that I could be having this baby any day now. And I still have so much to do. At this point though, I don’t really care about what’s left to do and I just want to hold my baby for the first time. He’s not due until the 15th, but I’ve started to have more intense Braxton Hicks contractions and backaches, as well as a few other signs that labor is on it’s way. Its just a matter of “waiting for the door to open.”
I do think little man will arrive sooner rather than later, not just because of the signs my body is giving me, but because my dogs were extra clingy today. Koufax and Reba would not leave my side this morning, not even for their breakfast. So even they know we’re getting close. In all honesty, while I think it would be cool for us to share a birthday (Sept. 14th) I think it would be really special if he were born tomorrow on the 8th because the anniversary of when we first saw baby Alex’s heartbeat before she passed away last October. Its as if it would be a sign from my baby girl that she is watching over us.

MIA and Getting Ready

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a while. Getting ready for this baby has taken up a great deal of time. My husband keeps asking if I think he’ll come soon. Quite honestly, I don’t mind when he decides to arrive, so long as its after Monday (I have a wedding Saturday and need a few days to edit the images). My doctor is predicting a Sept. 16th delivery (due date is Sept. 15th) so we’ll see what little man decides to do.

I’ve started nesting. It’s gone as far as fixing our broken dishwasher. My husband keeps telling me to rest, and my answer to that is for him to clean the house then because I’m tired of looking at the mess. So far, he hasn’t lifted a finger to clean anything in the last month. Hence the nesting. And I keep wanting to wash baby clothes and finish the nursery. I just want my baby’s first day home to be sparkly clean. People keep telling me the baby won’t care, but I do.

I’ve still got so much to do, prepare, and purchase before baby gets here because I know I won’t have the time or energy to do it afterwards. That’s another reason for all the cleaning. My husband sure won’t do it and there’s no way I’m letting my mother-in-law come over to do it. On the rare occasion the in-laws do come over, all they ever do is yell and lecture about how “messy” everything is. Their version of “messy” is the average American’s version of “clean enough for visitors.”

I’m nervous about my in-laws trying to run our household as they did theirs. I don’t want them forcing their beliefs and practices on me and my husband when we become parents. They’re very controlling “my way or the highway” people. And I know they’re going to try to come over all the time after the baby is born. We’ve already had to tell them they’re not allowed to follow us home from the hospital. My husband and I have also made the decision that we want a few hours of privacy following delivery for our little family to bond. His parents insist on being called the moment we leave for the hospital and being in the delivery room the entire time. I don’t think so. That’s where my husband and I draw the line. If they want to sit in a waiting room for six or seven hours so be it, but there is no way they’re gaining access to the delivery room until after the baby’s born, I’ve had a chance to nurse him, and the three of us have had a chance to bond. Thankfully, my husband is completely on board with this decision.