Sorry I’ve been neglecting this blog. I’ve been so busy with school (teaching and as a student), my photo business, and life in general that I haven’t had time to post anything in almost two months.
The only reason I’m posting now is because I can’t sleep. I have an interview tomorrow for a teaching position in a Catholic school. It really is the perfect job. The school is less than a mile from my house, I would have a classroom instead of being on a cart, it’s full time in one school, it’s a private school, and it would mean my own kids get a 50% tuition discount from K-12 grade. It’s the second time I’m interviewing for this position at this school. The first time was in 2008 right before I graduated from college. Not enough experience, I was told. Let’s hope this time I have what the principal is looking for. I don’t know that she even remembers me. I had a different last name then. Ironically enough, my husband has her daughter as one of his students, and since she tells her daughter almost everything, chances are I’ll find out if I get the job before she even calls me back. I really am hoping for this job. Guess I better try to get some sleep then, huh.
With that being said, I’ll leave you with a picture from Mother’s Day. It was a nice day. Our little family went to church in the morning, then went to have launch with my in-laws.
My husband can be a pretty tough guy. There are only a select few in this world that he ever opens up to or shows emotion in front of. I am honored to know that as his wife, I am one of those people. Today, as we sat in church, listening to the Word of God, he started crying. Nothing attention getting, just tears rolling down his cheeks. I put my arm around him, leaned in close, and asked if he was okay. After shaking his head “yes” he stated, “I just don’t know how to leave.” It took me a moment to realize he was talking about his current job. In that instant, flashing through my mind was what he must look like as he argues with himself about how the new job that he’s been recommended for is what he truly wants for himself to prove that he’s better at what he does than people give him credit for and how in leaving his current job he feels as if he were being disloyal and turning his back on the people who have been his work community for the past seven years.
I pray for him every day. I pray that God shows him which job he’s supposed to be at (take the new or stick with the old), and that his eyes and ears are open to see/hear that answer when it is given. I tell him that no matter which one he takes, I will be there at his side, supporting him 100%. I just wish there was more that I could do for him. I wish I could take this burden from him; keep him from beating himself up over it; let him know that everything will work out for the best, and as a family, we’ll be okay.
I know that as his wife, he takes my opinion much more to heart than he does other people’s. Knowing very little about his line of work though, I don’t feel as if I can tell him my opinion of taking one job over the other. He has had many colleagues outside his workplace tell him he should take the new job that’s being offered, and they’ve given him good reasons behind it. No matter what reasons they give though, he turns to me and always asks, “What do you think?” My answer of, “I think you should go where ever you’ll be happiest and think you can do the most good and make a difference” does not seem to be the answer he’s looking for.
I honestly think he’s already made his decision, he’s just second guessing himself. He’s afraid of disappointing people who have been with him through the ups and downs of his work life. He’s afraid of the talk that may spread around his current workplace if he were to leave. He’s afraid of getting fired from his current workplace if they find out he’s looking at another job, and how hard we’d have it if that happened before he’s officially offered this new one.
I wish there were some way I could ease his mind.
If you believe in the power of prayer, please say an extra little prayer for my husband. Today, he has some really big decisions to make concerning his job. He’s kind of at a loss as to what to do because we have a baby on the way and despite how poorly he’s being treated by his current employer, he has a sense of loyalty towards them. He’s an incredibly loyal individual by nature and feels obligated to stay with them, even at the expense of his happiness and well being.
I hope you’ll join me in my prayers that God will show him which direction he is meant to take (new job or current one) and that his eyes and ears will be open to receive that information when God shares it.