Tonight was the first part of a two day retreat that is a requirement of the three year theology program I’m enrolled in. It was an enjoyable evening.
I joined several of my classmates on the dock down by the river to pray the Rosary in total darkness, which was powerful in the sense that the darkness helps you concentrate on the prayer. I also happened to be on the winning team for the Catholic Trivia game.
Probably the most powerful moment I experienced though, was when our retreat director, a religious sister, asked us what Jesus would say to each of us individually if he were to walk through the doors at that very moment.
She directed phrases that Jesus would speak to individuals, and looking right at me she said, “You are not alone.” I will be honest, I started crying. I cried because it was exactly what I needed to hear at this exact moment in my life. No matter the group or the location or my role, I have always felt like an outsider. And lately, I have felt like I am all by myself, without a friend in the world. Even in my own marriage, I often feel like I’m raising my son by myself and that my husband has “checked out,” leaving me to take care of the household too.
I needed to hear that despite how I feel, I am never alone. God is always with me. He is there to comfort me, to guide me, to love me. In all my imperfection, I am His. Thank you, Jesus, for telling me what I so desperately needed to hear. God is good…all the time.
I look at my son as we lay here in bed with my husband. Both are soundly asleep. It’s hard to believe that five and a half months has gone by since this little man entered our lives.
Other exciting news…he’s started eating “solids.” Right now it’s things like baby cereal, baby food, and puréed fruits and veggies…well, mostly fruits. He won’t eat it if its not sweet. I think he has inherited my sweet tooth.