So I’ve been off the grid for a while now thanks to my first year teaching in a private school, going back to school to finish my education certificate, keeping up with my two year old, and with the expectation of my second baby (10 weeks to go). I’ve been so busy with those things I’ve had to put my photography business on hold, and have even found I have almost no time to snap a photo of the day. The one thing I have recently started making time for again is knitting and crocheting…to keep my sanity. If you think public school kids are stressful, try dealing with private school parents. I almost quit at the end of the first quarter because I had a lot of parents angry that their kids had earned a B in Art instead of an A. And they weren’t very civil about how they approached me on the matter. Most were aggressive and some even got nastily mean. I would honestly trade a year in a public school with 85 kids in one class than deal with those parents for a single day again. So I picked my needles back up after a long hiatus and made some pretty cute baby hats, and I’ve got the two sides of a pillow complete. I just have to stitch the pillow pieces together and stuff it. Five more days until Christmas break.
So much has been going on since my last post. The beginning of June was crazy, wrapping up the end of my first school year. During the last two weeks of school, I found out my position had been cut, so I applied and interviewed for a position at a Catholic school. Well, I got it! And my first day is this Wednesday. Ironically enough, after I accepted the position, I got offers from four other schools. Crazy how that works out.
Another big piece of news is on Father’s Day, I found out I’m pregnant again. My husband and I couldn’t be happier! This pregnancy has been very different though. I have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder so this pregnancy is high risk. That means twice as many doctor appointments and twice as many ultrasounds. On my last ultrasound, the doctor found a small hematoma, which they are monitoring. They are hoping it will be reabsorbed by my body. I find out next week if it has gone down any or gotten worse. It’s scary because just when we got my autoimmune disorder under control, this pops up and could cause a miscarriage too. I have full confidence in my doctors though. I’ve been very tired and nauseated most of these 10 weeks, but I don’t mind it because that’s how I know baby is still with us.
Other than the new job, and a new baby on the way, I have been working two jobs all summer, as well as going to art workshops, so unfortunately I have not been able to clean and organize my house the way I was planning to this summer, and I haven’t had a lot of time to spend with my son. Somehow, I have managed to find time to work on a few crochet projects. I made two toy hammocks for my son’s room and I’ve been working on an earth toned granny square pillow. I’ll have to take some photos later.
Speaking of photos, today I helped photograph a charity event with Locks for Love and ended up donating my hair in the process. Here are some before and after photos.
Pretty big change, but I think it’s cute.
Sorry I’ve been neglecting this blog. I’ve been so busy with school (teaching and as a student), my photo business, and life in general that I haven’t had time to post anything in almost two months.
The only reason I’m posting now is because I can’t sleep. I have an interview tomorrow for a teaching position in a Catholic school. It really is the perfect job. The school is less than a mile from my house, I would have a classroom instead of being on a cart, it’s full time in one school, it’s a private school, and it would mean my own kids get a 50% tuition discount from K-12 grade. It’s the second time I’m interviewing for this position at this school. The first time was in 2008 right before I graduated from college. Not enough experience, I was told. Let’s hope this time I have what the principal is looking for. I don’t know that she even remembers me. I had a different last name then. Ironically enough, my husband has her daughter as one of his students, and since she tells her daughter almost everything, chances are I’ll find out if I get the job before she even calls me back. I really am hoping for this job. Guess I better try to get some sleep then, huh.
With that being said, I’ll leave you with a picture from Mother’s Day. It was a nice day. Our little family went to church in the morning, then went to have launch with my in-laws.
Has it really been two months since I blogged? I feel so lazy. Truth be told though, I’ve been super busy. Teaching has been an adventure, to say the least, and I find it hard to keep up with grading all the projects. Currently, I’m on spring break and I still have 160 projects and 110 quizzes to grade. Here are some of my Middle school and Elementary school students’ work.
In addition to my busy school schedule, I have to mention that my photography business has really picked up. I have a wedding, a new born session, a maternity session, an album design, and three religious ceremonies that all need edited and uploaded by the end of next week.
And with all that on my plate, I’m taking tomorrow off to take my son to the zoo. It’s been raining the last few days and tomorrow’s forecast is 75 and sunny, so we’re taking advantage of it.
Speaking of my son, he’s growing like a weed. He’s 18 months old now, weighs over 25 pounds, and is about 34 inches tall. He is super smart too. He’s running now and his vocabulary is ever increasing. He’s become obsessed with the show Little Einsteins. So obsessed in fact that he wants to watch the shows over and over, all in a row, and he starts crying when each episode ends. He’s also learned that he can watch it on the computer and if he clicks the mouse the next episode starts.
He’s still very active though. We think it may be time to buy him a riding toy.
He still loves to read too. We’ll go through his entire book collection (30-40) three times before he gets tired of it.
He has a thing for trains now too. We had to pry him away from this set at Toys R Us (resulting in a complete meltdown), but we did surprise him with his own train set when we got home. He’s played with it for hours on end and takes the engines with him everywhere.
All in all, this has been a very full two months.
Well, grief counseling has helped me take everything one day at a time. Thanksgiving was ok. I avoided my husband’s family as much as I could since they have a habit of saying the wrong things, like, “at least you’re still young. You can always try again,” and “what’s the big deal? It’s easy to get pregnant.”
My doctor has ordered lab tests for January. Since this is my second miscarriage, the insurance company will finally let her. I’m a little nervous about what they may find, but at least I’ll know how to counteract it to try and prevent future issues. In all honesty I hope they do find something the matter with me. If they don’t, I think my feelings of guilt (it was something I did or didn’t do that was the cause) would skyrocket.
Teaching has been going ok too. I love everything about the elementary school I work for. The administration at the middle school is a bit less organized and less supportive. My sixth graders are pretty good. Out of 60 (two classes), I only have four trouble makers. My seventh graders are another issue altogether. I have 45 of them all at once. They spend so much time talking that in a 90 minute class period, they only get about 15 minutes of working time because I have to stop every five minutes while giving directions to wait for them to quiet down. I’m in the middle of grading projects right now. My sixth graders are doing great. Most of my seventh graders are failing due to incomplete work.
Christmas was pleasant. We spent it with my family in Ohio this year. And for once, my sister and I managed not to kill each other, though we did have one major spat, it was much milder than our past arguments. My son had so much fun opening presents. His favorite toy was his set of cars. He’s big into cars and trucks right now. My husband enjoyed all his gifts and my favorite gift was the three birthstone pendants my husband got for me for each of our children. We will celebrate New Years with my parents before we head back to Florida. We’ll be stopping to visit my aunt in North Carolina on the way. I’m looking forward to that visit.
The past three weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, finally coming to an end with today’s tragedy.
It started with me finally getting fed up with my work environment and my boss. I sent out resumes for teaching positions, and got two interviews, one with a county official and one with two assistant principals. Both went well and I was hopeful I would move on to the next step of meeting the principal.
A week went by and still no word. I was beginning to lose hope once again. Then something else caught my attention that morning. I was almost two weeks late. My mind began racing. I was pregnant! That would explain the recent mood swings and utter exhaustion.
I had a heart to heart with God right then and there. “God, I thank you for the gift of this baby. I know in our current situation, we can’t afford to care for it. But I also know that you would not give it to us without providing us with the financial means to care for it. So I trust you completely. I trust that you will give me a higher paying job to put our minds at ease.”
That same afternoon, I received a call from the school I had interviewed at. The principal wanted to meet me! I was so excited! Later that night, my husband shared in my excitement when I told him about the interview and the positive pregnancy test I had taken. We were both on cloud nine. Nothing could bring us down!
The weekend was great and on Monday morning I told my boss about my upcoming interview. She took it better than I thought. Tuesday rolled around and I met with the principal. She had me meet the other art teachers and sit in on some of the classes. Afterwards, she offered me the job on the spot! I was higher than heaven! A new baby (due in the summer), my dream job, happy family, and stable home…I had it all! It was perfect.
Unfortunately, this story doesn’t have a happy ending. Later that night, as I was packing for a business trip, I began to feel cramps. When I woke up this morning, I had heavy bleeding. My world was turning upside down. The only thought running through my head was, “Not again. Please, God, no, not again.” My trip was canceled and I went straight to the doctor. An ultrasound confirmed that the baby’s heart had stopped and the miscarriage process had started.
I am…heartbroken. I do not know how to make it through this again and will be seeing a grief counselor in the near future. Two babies gone. Two babies God has taken from me before I even get to hold them. Two babies I will never see grow up, hear them call my name, say “I love you,” feel their hugs, count their tiny toes.
Why? Why my babies? Why me? Why do people who don’t deserve children, or worse, terminate them because they don’t want them, have them so easily and I can’t?
People have that one question they want to ask God when they finally meet him face to face. My question will be “Why did you take my babies from me?” I know this emotional ride is far from over. I know there will be a day it eventually slows down. I have to trust, and right now that is so hard to do. My human nature does not want to trust. My human nature wants to turn my back on God. But my divine soul knows that is not the answer to my grief. My divine soul knows that now is the time I need to sprint into God’s outstretched arms and grieve in the safety of his loving embrace.
Please pray for me, my husband, and our families. We are in great need.
I’ve been trying to get a teaching job since 2008. I finally managed to get not one, but two interviews! The problem is how to get off work to go to the interviews. I’ve managed to book a dr appointment following the first one so I can legitimately use that as an excuse, but could not book a different dr appointment the same day as the second one. If I use vacation time, I won’t be able to visit my family at Christmas since I have the exact number of vacation days left to spend the week with them. So the question is, do I lie and call in sick (after a 3 day weekend), do I use the excuse of the baby has a fever (still lying), do I tell her a personal matter has come up and ask if I can make the two hours up by staying late that day, or do I come clean and tell her I’m interviewing for another job and take the chance that she will fire me? I have had several people tell me she would fire me out of pride, and our state does not require the employer to give a reason for the termination. I just don’t know what to do. With bills and a one year old, I can’t afford to be unemployed.
What do you think I should do?
While Hamlet’s famous line contemplates life or death, mine is referencing a way of life. For the past eight years I have wanted to be an art teacher. After finishing my BFA in 2008, I started sending my resume out every time I heard of an opening in a three county radius. I have kept every rejection notice. I have been rejected over 80 times. So why do I keep at it? Hope. Want. Need.
Coming from a poor family, I was always taught to work hard and to always have hope. I want to be in a classroom, making a difference in kids’ lives. I need a higher paying day job in order to make ends meat. I used to love my current job, but lately because of my boss it has become nothing more than a paycheck, and a small one at that. A first year teacher makes about $10,000 more per year than I do. With that, we would no longer be living paycheck to paycheck, and we would be able to afford to have another child.
I have my resume in six schools currently. And this time, I am VERY hopeful. Why? Because this time, the county art coordinator knows I exist. And even better…he wants to meet me and view my portfolio. I owe this to my college photo professor. She knows him, and I thank her tremendously for putting him in touch with me. So wish me luck this week.